its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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