I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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