Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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