i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
