Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
