he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
