my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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