Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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