Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
