Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
