i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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