i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
