if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
