Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
