grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
