I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
