Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
