some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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