Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
This house was built for laser tag.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
