You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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