just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
