How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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