Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
