he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
