Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
