I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
