id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
