there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
