I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
