Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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