his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
