An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
