New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
