dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I wish I only lived at night.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
