I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
