i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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