i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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