If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
that is very illegal...i love you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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