so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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