He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
