I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
