Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
