Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
