note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have fence marks all over my body
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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