Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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