i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
