Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
