Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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