woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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