you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
