I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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