She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
